she looked like the before picture.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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