I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
