I want to stick my p in your. b.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
