The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
