Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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