Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
