I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
