i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
