apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
