Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
