He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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