Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
