mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
