I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
