Already got asked if we're dating
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
