Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
