my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
