I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
