yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
