Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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