My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do herpes really smell.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
