dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
