I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
