I love black thongs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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