So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
