I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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