this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
