She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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