My first STD was from a foam party
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
