She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
