So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
