nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
