I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
