FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
