she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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