actually, I'm a sock model
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
