I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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