she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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