I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
