Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize