Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
