Having a random hookup so left but love u
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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