called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
