Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
