Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
