Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
