cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
