I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
