I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
