Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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