No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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